I can tuck mytits in my pants
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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