so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
