Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
