I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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