Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
