My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
