we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
