So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
