The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
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I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
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To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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