He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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