He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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