my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
