Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
