I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
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When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
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The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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