Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
