I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
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