im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Randomize
