her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
