1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
