I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
