I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just saw a hot homeless man
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
