Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
