Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
