I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
