I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
