Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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