I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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