dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
