Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
