So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
