talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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