Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
