There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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