How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
