Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
