Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?