i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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