the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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