What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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