so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
