haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So here I am, sexting at work.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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