mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
