Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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