My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
