I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I think my fart just growled at me.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
