If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
