im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
