he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
