Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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