So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
