called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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