my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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