I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
