How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
