ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Randomize
