I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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