I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
