the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
FUCK WHALES
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