Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
and she was petting her beer can
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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