and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
