Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
