Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
smell my finger.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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