so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
