i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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