FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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