As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
