i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
